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Snorty
Captain Drunk Pirate Snorty (born November 14th, 2000) is currently the only known cosmic entity that is present in the Mimique Valley community. History and Personal Life Snorty was born and lived in Spiral Mountain alone in a cave, where all the nutrients and food he got was from mysterious eggs that were shot into the cave, which was hidden behind a waterfall and was only accessible by incredibly dangerous platforms over a body of water. When Snorty finally crawled out of his cave and stopped being a pussy like you, he received an education in Professional Funny. When graduating from Haha Whee Hee Hee College. He was given the award for "World's Funniest Little Dude" by God. Snorty was struck by a lethal magical bolt by Gruntilda Winkybottom, who, out of jealousy for the funny prize, also confessed to imprisoning Snorty's pet Pit Drone 50 feet underground. Snorty was hospitalized and from that day forward, swore to destroy any 'Bitch Witches' in his path, marking Snorty's very first permanent personality development at an age of 2. Preschooler Years When put into a preschool, disguised as a dumb idiot baby (A disguise attained by wearing exclusively Persona 5 merch) to ensure that nobody would recognize him, the teachers and counselors would, from that point forward, remember and specifically put down rules and fail-safes that would prevent something they would euphemize as "The Parent Jokes." The incident causing this to be done would later be learned to be as follows: Snorty enters the playground and walks past a party of 3 small children talking to each other, eavesdropping unintentionally. One of the children mentions the Chupacabra, prompting the 2nd child to ask "Who is Chupacabra?" Snorty chimes in and replies "Your mom, idiot." The 2nd child instantly fills their diaper with 30 yards of diarrhea and screams. There were no words to describe how this scientifically happened. When Snorty was asked, he simply replied that he had "owned" them, coining the popular term that was shamelessly stolen by the Internet in the early 2000s. The second child would grow up to become the Mimique Valley Discord admin, Julian. Toddler Years When Snorty left preschool because he already had a degree in Professional Funny and realized he didn't really have to be there, he decided to visit Mt. Ebott and train atop the mountain's highest peak to become the World's Best Owner. He became this in about 13 minutes and overcame the world's tens of dozens of Professional Owners, but kept training for about nineteen vigintillion eight hundred fifty-seven novemdecillion,two hundred ninety-eight octodecillion,three hundred seventy-five septendecillion,one hundred nine sexdecillion,eight hundred forty-five quindecillion,ninety-one quattuordecillion,two hundred eighty-four tredecillion,ninety-eight duodecillion,one hundred twenty-eight undecillion,five hundred ninety-four decillion,eight hundred thirty-seven nonillion,fifty-nine octillion,eight hundred ten septillion,nine hundred forty-eight sextillion,nineteen quintillion,eight hundred forty quadrillion,eight hundred ninety-four trillion,three hundred twenty-seven billion,six hundred twelve million,four hundred twelve thousand,three hundred twenty-four years anyways. This gave Snorty the power to own reality itself, which identifies him as a cosmic entity and a god. Popular cosmic entity and television personality Cthulhu has stated that he "pissed himself on the bed" when he heard about this. The first thing Snorty did with this newfound power is to find his pet Pit Drone and release him from Earth's merciless shackles. The Pit Drone was still alive when it was found and has been nationally recognized as the "World's Funniest Forced Meme of All Time." Teen Years At this age, Snorty had finally realized that he was fed by eggs in a cave for his first 2 years of life. Who threw those eggs? Who was strong enough to make their eggs overpower the relentless current of the waterfall? Shouldn't the egg have been thrown down by the force of the current? Snorty was fed by a stranger throwing eggs into there and feeding him, and he was set to find out. Through Craigslist, Snorty found out that it was actually a red bird named Kazooie. Snorty visited their house the year after and learned that Kazooie honestly couldn't be fucked to do this but it was actually Banjo the Honey Bear. Snorty was so inspired by the selflessness of Banjo, that he wore a replica of Banjo's face for the rest of his life, resulting in the self image attached to this Wiki. Banjo secretly did not like this. Snorty claims to have seen that the only games that Banjo owns are the games from the Super Smash Bros. series and a copy of Donkey Kong. Jr for the Gameboy. Noting this, Snorty pledged to push Banjo to the top of the roster lists and then failed 3.5 times. (.5 being base Smash Ultimate.) Let's hope it's not 4. I puked on my dick.